Not Forgiven
by Rhodes Princess
Summary: Forgive, sounds good Forget, I'm not sure I could They say time heals everything But I'm still waiting I'm through with doubt There's nothing left for me to figure out I've paid a price And I'll keep paying John/OC


_Forgive, sounds good Forget, I'm not sure I could They say time heals everything  
But I'm still waiting I'm through with doubt There's nothing left for me to figure out  
I've paid a price And I'll keep paying_

Forgiving him would be great, but I don't think that I could ever forget. They claim that time heals everything but so far it hasn't. Ive paid the price through pain and I keep paying.

_I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could 'Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should  
_

I'm not ready for forgive and forget, im not backing down on this anger I feel inside of me. Im still hurt, and mad. After a 9 year realtion ship with John, he cheated on me. No not just once, I would have forgiven that by now. He cheated on me for four years of our relationship with my now ex-best friend. Today was the day of their wedding. I was invited, was I going, yes. I decided to attempt and put the hurt and pain in the back of my mind for a few hours, but I planned on getting revenge, I promised john when we were going out that I would never date a friend of his. I never thought that I would date a friend of his until this wedding.

_I know you said  
Can't you just get over it  
It turned my whole world around  
And I kind of like it_

A series of words John had said to me when we were going out rang through my head constantly. _'I promise you I don't like her baby, you're the only one I love.'  
'I DON'T cheat.'  
'are you crazy Jess, you're the only girl I've ever loved there is no one else'_

I wish I wouldn't have listened to anyone of those words they are the main reason I cant forgive John.

_I made my bed and I sleep like a baby With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'  
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger And how in the world can the words that I said  
Send somebody so over the edge That they'd write me a letter  
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing Or my life will be over_

This story was going to be told to my future daughters to make sure that they didn't fall for any mans lies like I did. Its simple you shouldn't have to suspect you man of cheating you should be able to tell how much he loves you and he should show it.

_I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down  
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round  
It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could  
'Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

Cody Rhodes had been a good friend of John for a while as well as a good friend of mine, so I asked Cody to come with me. He originally was going to stay over at my house while Johns wedding was going on. I asked if he would go to the wedding with my instead. He said yes.

_I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down  
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round  
It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could  
'Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should_

I knew the whole wedding would be hard for me. I was with John for nine years of my life, almost an entire decade. Alyssa walked in looking stunning, prettier than me. She walked down the aisle it seemed as if she was looking to see if I was there, she finally spotted me and she smiled at me.

John was at the alter waiting for Alyssa the ceremony seemed to take forever and hurt me more than I thought it would, but Cody held my hand the entire time trying to comfort me. The Minister said 'You may kiss the bride.', John did, he turned smiling bigger than I had ever seen him smile, which made it hurt worse. Cody and I left quickly after that. We reached the car I got in and immediately said "Why, Cody? Why did he have to do it that was supposed to be me."

After that I realized that I could never forgive him for what he did, ever.

_  
Forgive, sounds good  
Forget, I'm not sure I could  
They say time heals everything  
But I'm still waiting_

_

* * *

_

_A/N: that was pretty short but how'd ya like it?  
_


End file.
